[00:00:03] Speaker A: Take a breath, have courage and let go.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: You're listening to Relational Trauma SOS a Her Wings Unfold production. We're discussing finding empowerment through owning our stories today.
Trauma survivors belong here.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: So I fly, fly, fly Past the hurt, past the goodbye with the wind in my chest, fire in my eyes I fly, fly, fly higher than every single light.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: Love that you're joining us today. We're noticing people listening from all over the world and wherever you're listening from, we are so glad that you are here.
A few areas that we will mention include those from Brisbane, Australia, the Hague in South Holland, Linlithgow, Scotland and Tooele, Utah. Before we jump into this week's episode, I'd love to tell you a little bit about Her Wings Unfold, a nonprofit organization and the producer of this podcast, Her Wings Unfold was born from a deep need to help women heal after experiencing another's abuse, addiction, adultery or abandonment. What we call 4A behavior.
Here, she finds and learns to create safety. She finds voice.
She finds her wings through trauma sensitive support, including the first ever trauma sensitive 12 step program, TS12, and on future retreats, advocacy, community and more. We walk with her as she heals, finds empowerment and rises.
Want to help share and rate this episode? Check out ts12andon.org for meetings or to purchase the literature.
Sign up for our newsletter. Donate Volunteer Speak up with a heart made of gold. She's done being caged and her wings unfold.
Together we help her wings unfold.
As trauma survivors, sharing our stories can be more complex and tender than many might realize. A few reasons why this might be include Our stories often carry layers of deep pain, betrayal, or injustice, and that kind of weight can stir a need for privacy, protection, or even feelings of shame, and especially when our experience has been denied or dismissed in the past.
Also, we might view or others might even view our circumstances as socially unacceptable.
Examples of things that can appear socially unacceptable include things like topics like abuse or addiction or someone's suicide. There's just so much and so many layers and so much pain when we experience these things.
Also, we may have been met with judgment, blame, or harmful questions.
So when someone responds with things like why didn't you leave? Or what was your part? It can be so painful, especially because our wounds are being questioned rather than witnessed. Also, language can fail us. Trauma, especially complex or ongoing trauma, can make it really difficult to find words for what we've lived. It's not always one big moment that's super obvious, but the accumulation of a thousand small paper cuts that are hard to name, which also is another issue, is that we don't always have the language for what we've experienced. Parts of our story may still feel foggy or fragmented.
Trauma affects memory and perception, and we may feel uncertain, confused, or even afraid we'll be disbelieved if we don't have it all straight, at least as far as our own perception or what we're afraid other people will think. Also, sometimes we've learned the hard way that not every space is safe. And over time, we may become more discerning about who we trust with our story because we've paid a price for being vulnerable with those who couldn't hold it well. And I will say that this can be traumatizing, especially to me. I feel like I've received secondary trauma from this, Especially when I have thought it should be someone who should be able to hold it well, Someone like, with authority, like a therapist or like a clergy member, something like that, to where it feels like they should understand. And it's very painful when they don't.
And the truth is, though, we don't owe our story to anyone, it's sacred.
[00:05:07] Speaker C: And it deserves to be held with.
[00:05:09] Speaker B: Compassion, reverence, and care.
One of my favorite quotes is in TS12 Dawn Step 5, and I melt when we get here. It's in italics and it's bold. And to me, I just love it.
And it says, quote, this is my story.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: I get to decide who gets the privilege of hearing it. Close quote.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: My story is important.
Your story is important. Our stories are important.
Not because they're dramatic, not because they're perfect, but because we matter.
For many survivors, we've been conditioned to shrink, to second guess, or to minimize our experiences.
Maybe we were told we were exaggerating or we weren't believed.
Maybe we were met with silence.
Maybe we were met with judgment. Maybe we learned to stay quiet just to survive.
And for all of these things, we can hold ourselves or practice holding ourselves in lots of compassion.
But the truth is, our stories do matter.
And not one moment of pain was insignificant.
And every time we speak about our experiences, Even if only to ourselves, like in a journal, or to our higher power, we reclaim a little more ground. And at some point, hopefully, we find safe places to share our stories.
We don't need to be fully healed or perfectly articulate to have a story worth honoring. And in fact, learning to voice our stories can be a critical part of healing.
We begin by practicing the belief that our voices deserve space, that our lived experience carries wisdom, that what we learn from our experience is sacred. We can practice saying, my story is important, my voice matters, and I deserve to be heard with compassion.
Let's talk about what happens when our story is held with compassion. When someone shows up as a safe witness, not to fix us, not to interrogate us, not to play the role of therapist or judge, but simply to honor the courage it takes to speak, something shifts for me. It's like my whole soul can kind of rest into that. Something sacred unfolds.
When we risk being seen and are met with empathy instead of evaluation, our nervous system, my nervous system at least, begins to soften. And that internal voice that might whisper harmful things, like maybe it was my fault, or maybe I'm too much, starts to lose its grip.
Being truly seen and held with compassion doesn't erase what we've lived through, but it can transform our relationship with it.
We realize we are not what has happened to us. We are a whole person who has lived through pain and is still worthy of dignity, tenderness, and love.
A compassionate witness holds space for us with humility and can relate with our humanity.
They don't need all of the details, and they don't rush us.
They simply stay with presence, with care, and without flinching.
In the presence of compassion, shame loses its oxygen.
I like to look at sharing like it is a gate. We share a little and see how the listener responds. And if it's safe, we might choose to open the gate for more sharing. But we can also choose to close the gate if it doesn't feel quite right.
I really want this concept to sink in for each of us. And for me, it's helpful to sometimes have these things put in a meditation form.
There's something soothing about it to my soul that just can really sink in.
So I'll present this in meditation form.
[00:09:32] Speaker C: Begin by letting your body settle.
Allow yourself to get comfortable, whatever that means for you today.
Maybe you're sitting.
Maybe you're laying down.
Maybe the ground is holding you.
Take a slow breath in and a long, soft breath out.
Let the noise of the day fall away.
There's nothing you need to perform or figure out right now.
You are simply invited to be here with kindness toward yourself in your mind's.
[00:10:36] Speaker B: Eye, imagine a space that feels deeply.
[00:10:40] Speaker C: Safe, entirely your own.
It could be a sunlit room.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: A.
[00:10:50] Speaker C: Quiet meadow, a cozy corner with soft pillows.
Wherever you are, you chose this space.
It belongs to you.
[00:11:07] Speaker B: Here, you are in control.
[00:11:10] Speaker C: Here, your boundaries are honored.
You are not hidden.
You are held in this space, your space.
You notice a Little table.
[00:11:28] Speaker B: And resting on it is a book.
[00:11:37] Speaker C: You know this book before you even open it.
It's your story.
Its cover reflects something meaningful.
Maybe colors are symbols or textures that represent you, that represent your story.
You place your hand on it.
You breathe.
You remember.
You say to yourself, this is my story.
It holds pages written in pain and others in quiet strength.
There's joy and there's heartache.
Some chapters are clear, Others are still unfolding.
There are parts that haven't yet found words.
That's okay.
Some pages are unfinished.
Some are tear stained.
This book is not something to be explained.
It is not for anyone else to demand.
It belongs to you.
It's sacred.
You and only you get to decide when, how, and with whom it is shared.
You don't have to offer your story to those who cannot honor it.
You are allowed to protect what is tender.
You can close the book.
You can place it in a safe where only you have the combination.
You can take it out and hand it to someone who's safe when the time is right.
When you're ready.
But only you get to decide that now. Let this deeper truth anchor in you.
Your voice is not insignificant.
Your voice is impossible, important.
Your story is not too much.
It holds the wisdom of survival, the beauty of resilience, the power of becoming.
You are not just the author of this story.
You are its guardian, its protector.
No one else can define your experience.
No one else has the authority to diminish it.
You carry strength that cannot be measured.
Because you are still here, holding this story with courage and grace.
As you prepare to return to the present moment, imagine gently placing the book back on the table.
It remains yours.
No one else can take.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: Will be.
[00:15:54] Speaker C: Here when you decide it's time.
And as you open your eyes or return to your day, carry this with you.
This is my story.
I get to choose.
I get to choose who hears it.
I get to choose when it's told.
And I get to choose the details that are shared.
As you breathe in, breathe in the empowerment of owning your story.
And breathe out the pressure to tell it perfectly.
Carry with you this truth.
This is my story.
And I get to decide who has the privilege of hearing it.
[00:17:04] Speaker B: If this episode spoke to you, consider sharing it with someone else on their healing path. You can also find trauma sensitive TS12 and on meetings at TS1 2. On other resources like signing up for our newsletter and ways to support her wings. Unfold can be
[email protected] so I fly.
[00:17:28] Speaker A: Fly, fly.
Past the hurt, past the goodbye. With the wind in my chest and fire in my eyes I fly.
Fly inside.
Higher than.
[00:17:49] Speaker B: Wherever you are in your journey.
[00:17:51] Speaker C: You belong here.
