[00:00:00] Speaker A: Take a breath, have courage, and let go. [00:00:07] Speaker B: You're listening to Relational Trauma SOS Her Wings Unfold Production Trauma survivors belong here. [00:00:21] Speaker A: So I fly, fly, fly past the hurt, past the goodbye with the wind in my chest and higher in my eyes I fly, fly Flack to Relational. [00:00:50] Speaker B: Trauma SOS Today we're diving into developing an authentic and healing relationship with God. My name is Jenny Brockbank and I love being here with you. This podcast is produced by Her Wings Unfold, which is a nonprofit that helps women heal from relational trauma. We welcome listeners from San Jose, California, Barack Heights, New South Wales and Clearfield, Utah. If you haven't tried a trauma sensitive 12 step meeting with TS12 and on yet, we invite you to give it a try. It's truly revolutionary and it's free to attend. Visit ts12anon.org to find a meeting today. If you haven't heard Her Wings Unfold is planning a retreat for women who have been harmed by relational trauma, which could include a woman in your neighborhood, a sister, someone sitting on your church pew, or a friend who is suffering in silence. Survivors often experience financial crisis and are in need of financial assistance. If you can donate and find yourself in a position to do so to help someone attend this retreat, Please [email protected] and if you'd like to sign up for more information about the retreat, please sign up for our newsletter [email protected] now if you've spent time in traditional 12 step programs, you probably know that step 11 is very structured. And and just so we're clear, we're not criticizing this for traditional models. You can tell by the title alone. The AA step 11 reads quote, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. I want to be clear that AA was written for alcoholics. We have no expertise in what an alcoholic needs. Our expertise is in what trauma survivors need. For survivors of trauma, rigid formulas often feel unsafe, like there aren't choices or connecting with God should look a certain way. For survivors, choices are often critical in the healing process, and that's why I love how step 11 of TS12 Anon is written. The title of TS12 Anon step 11 is intentionally vague and nuanced. Step 11 from TS12 Nun is engaged in intentional relationship with God. Close quote. It's flexible, it's spacious. It invites us to engage in relationship with God at our own pace, in our own way. The introduction says step 11 encourages developing a relationship grounded in trust, authenticity and openness, fostering a sense of safety, acceptance and healing. That feels so different from a checklist. It feels like permission. Permission to start where we are. Permission to be honest. Permission to take small steps toward trust. When I think about a trauma sensitive step 11, I think about building a relationship. Not so much ritual. It's not about doing things the right way. It's about finding ways to gently open to God and to connect with God, even if that relationship feels fragile. One of my favorite favorite lines from step 11 says this quote Some can develop the ability to genuinely receive the feeling from our higher power that you're safe here with me. There's no rush, no need to have it all figured out. Instead, there's a quiet invitation to explore what it means to be fully known, deeply valued, and unconditionally loved by our higher power. Close quote. I love that. So I'll invite all of us to reflect on this. What comes up for you and for me? When each of us imagines our higher power whispering, you're safe here with me, no answer is right or wrong. The question really is what comes up for you or me? Now here's where our step 11 is so different. Instead of giving us one rigid formula, it offers a buffet of ways to consider connecting with God. I'll share some highlights of suggestions from step 11 and if you'd like to explore it in more depth, please feel free to purchase the TS12 and on book on Amazon. The link to purchase the book will be in the show. Notes Please Note Some of these are traditional. Some of these are traditional ways to connect with God and some might feel a little outside of the box. So the first one is traditional and it is prayer. But we like to discuss it not necessarily as a monologue but as a two way conversation where we listen as much as we speak. We might explore different postures in prayer. We might explore different language in prayer. We might explore really putting our heart out there. We might explore asking questions and listening intently for answers. The goal really is connection so that we can heal that relationship with God, the God of our understanding. Next we've got meditation. And meditation can be really beneficial. It can also be very tricky for a survivor. So we like to put a caveat in there that meditation should be used when it feels safe. We don't want to trigger additional trauma. And meditation can be so amazing and so wonderful and teach us to still our minds. And it's not always the best fit for somebody who has been harmed. It can be helpful for trauma survivors to have options in meditation. So things like, does it feel safe to close your eyes? And if not, can you just soften your gaze? This next one is really, really popular with our community and I will say that it's been a big hit in our test groups. And it is love notes from God. And basically it's looking for love notes from God. There are some people who might be looking for heart shaped rocks and heart shaped clouds and heart shaped whatever, you know, that they feel like is God telling them that they are loved and cherished. It could also be timely words or peaceful moments that remind us we're seen. It could be a friend reaching out with something that we just really believe was from God. And whatever it is, it doesn't really matter. It's a love note from God and it's noticing. Noticing that we're cherished, noticing that we're loved, noticing that we are seen. Next, we've got sacred places. And that could be. It could be sitting on a church pew and it could be a mountain trail or a quiet chair in our own home. It could be overlooking a beautiful scenery or it could be in some other sacred place. I know that one of my sacred places has been my closet floor. Like sitting in my closet floor where hopefully nobody is, although sometimes I'm found. But it's like my own space with God, my. My own time with God where I really get to connect with the God of my understanding on my closet floor. And that has become a sacred place. Another one is movement. And you know, this could look all sorts of ways, but walking, stretching, dancing, yoga, letting our bodies express prayer, connection or joy, and really connecting with God. I know in the Old Testament it talked about how like David danced before the Lord. It doesn't have to look like David. For each of us, what it looks like is individual. And just like any relationship, we get to determine what that looks like with God. In any healthy relationship, each party gets a say in what the relationship looks like. Next is creativity. And this can be art or writing or crafting or journaling or poetry. Just whatever it is, we get to be creative. And the interesting thing about creativity and trauma is that when we're being creative, we are using a different part of our brain that really helps us stay out of trauma. So. So if you have ever sat down and you're maybe in trauma, but maybe you just doodle, you know, and draw something and for some reason you feel a little bit better, that can be relieving. For me, lately I've really been enjoying participating and learning about watercolor flowers and I just am finding lots of YouTube videos. I'm not professional but but boy am I enjoying it and it keeps me in this different headspace. Another one that we suggest trying out is music, and this could be listening to music. Some participants like to create playlists and some like to share music that they've been listening to. Some like to engage in playing the music or singing the music using instruments. And this is their way of connecting with the divine sometimes. And then there's something that can be a little more traditional, which is reading written word. So whether that's scripture, poetry, journaling, or even writing down your own honest prayers, the written word can be so powerful. Step 11 reminds us that rather than following a prescribed set of rules, we are encouraged to move at our own pace, seeking what feels safe, meaningful, and personally healing. So maybe for today connection with God is listening to music, and maybe tomorrow it might be writing in a journal. Next week it might be walking outside with intention. Each one is valid, each one is holy, and each one can build on the other to find genuine, authentic, and truly beautiful connection with God. One of our participants generously allowed me to share the following poem that she wrote in her efforts to connect with God. Oh, I appreciate her generosity in allowing me to share this with the audience because it beautifully shows a unique and authentic experience that she had with God. You'll remember that I just read a list of suggested ways to connect with God that might seem different than traditional methods that often include prayer and scripture alone. I bring up the list because I want to point out that in this poem the author is connecting with God through her own beautiful poetry and also through nature and a sacred space, which for her was the beach. Shells by Susan I went to the beach this summer. Every morning I watched the sun awaken over the gentle waves and I asked God to speak to me. Every afternoon I looked out at the ocean as the waves crashed over my feet and I asked God to speak to me me. Even the moonlit nights heard my voice but not heaven. I heard nothing until the last day as I walked along the shore noticing the shells that get tossed around, battered by the waves, washed up and broken into tiny pieces. My heart heard the silence. I've become a shell of the woman I used to Betrayal does that it can break you but amidst those broken pieces are whole shells. They're also battered by the waves and tossed around and yet they wash up on the shore intact. Each one unique, beautiful. I see a beach walker stoop down to pick up a shell, smiling as they put their treasure in their pocket for the journey home. And now I hear clearly that can be me. I'm the whole shell. I'm also the one who knows the shell is beautiful. I went to the beach this summer. God spoke to me. This poem is meltworthy, vulnerable, painful, hopeful, and shows true connection with God. The journey of connection with the God of our understanding is tender and unfolding. It rises in the quiet moments, in the longing of the heart, in the honesty of unspoken prayers. It's found in music, in movement, in words, in silence, in the beauty of creation, and in the depth of stillness. This connection is not rushed, not forced, not bound by rules. It is born in authenticity, nurtured by trust and sustained by love. May the reaching never cease and may the soul always discover the divine waiting with gentleness, patience, and unwavering grace. You've been listening to Relational Trauma SOS a Her Wings Unfold production. We invite you to visit ts12anon.org for information on the floor first truly trauma sensitive 12 step program for survivors of relational harm and also visit herwingsunfold.org for resources advocacy to sign up for our newsletter to donate to Help a Woman and more. [00:18:10] Speaker A: Higher than every single light. [00:18:17] Speaker B: Trauma survivors belong here.