Episode 11: Boundaries When Your Spouse Has a Sex Addiction

Boundaries with my spouse who deals with sex addiction changed my life.  Maybe they will change yours too?

While a few things in this episode are geared towards spouses who are married to someone that struggles with sex addiction, most of what we are discussing is applicable to other addictions as well.  Whether your spouse is addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. you will likely find helpful information on boundaries in this episode.

This week, I share a snippet of what my life looked like before and after learning about boundaries.

When I’m employing boundaries, I don’t need to yell, shrink, threaten, or shame.  I recognize my worth and I recognize the worth of others as well.

Groundwork for boundaries include:  

• A rock-solid personal understanding that God uses boundaries.
• An understanding that we are to cleave to one another and our covenants in marriage, but that we do so individually.
• Boundaries are best implemented when we have a strong community to support us.
• The concept that my marriage might be saved by implementing boundaries was empowering. They became a primary source in a rescue mission. I was being rescued, my husband was offered a life preserver and if he chose recovery, our marriage might be rescued as well.

We'll discuss what boundaries with sex addiction are and what they aren't, and how they are ultimately about safety.

This episode includes the House analogy for boundaries.

I share my favorite insights about boundaries when your spouse struggles with sex addiction which include:

• Why boundaries are best when made with God and my personal experience with this.
• The power of personally tailoring boundaries to our loved ones, plus a personal example of when this was effective in my own life
• The difference between firm boundaries vs. fluid boundaries.  I share my own insights on this, along with my friend's experiences.
• We will also explore why it's important to be gentle with ourselves as we learn and adjust our boundaries, and why it's important to place a boundary around disconnect.
• Detaching with love is also a topic in this episode, along with what to do when your spouse or loved one pushes back against boundaries.

Betrayal Trauma SOS. Let's heal together.

SOURCES:

What Can I Do About Me by Rhyll Ann Croshaw (Affiliate link)

Episode 7: I Am Sacred 

Addiction Recovery Program- Step 8:  Be Firm and Steadfast 

Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When To Say Yes, How To Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend (Affiliate link)

Beyond Breath by Sariah Bastian (Affiliate link)

Prana Yoga 

Episode 8 of Betrayal Trauma SOS: Intuition- You Were Right and You Knew It

Ep. 8-Rhyll’s Story from the Rise Up Restored Podcast 

Al-Anon- Detachment Document