Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Take a breath, have courage and let go.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: Are you feeling distressed? Let's practice the rest process today on relational trauma sos.
Trauma survivors belong here.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: So I fly, fly, fly Past the hurt past the goodbye with the wind in my chest and higher in my eyes I fly, fly, fly higher than every single light.
[00:00:47] Speaker B: Welcome. I'm so glad that you've joined us today.
My name is Jenny Brockbank and I'm your host. Love to welcome listeners from Pemberry, England, Midland, Michigan and and Runaway Bay, Texas. If you've been waiting for a podcast episode and haven't heard one lately, I want you to know you're not crazy. Thank you for coming back.
We are making a change to where we're going to have two podcast episodes a month instead of weekly.
I would love to switch this back to weekly, but in order to do that I need some things taken off of my plates. So. So we'll see how this goes. But for now it'll be twice a month.
I really look forward to sharing an episode that I have recorded with our board of directors. So this, this program is sponsored by Her Wings Unfold, which is a nonprofit. We have a board of directors.
Our board chair's name is Andrea Nichols. And I'm really looking forward to sharing with you that interview in the future.
For today, I've decided to switch it up a bit so that maybe it's a little more raw, a little more personal.
Because right now, today I am struggling and I thought, all right, if I am struggling, other people are probably struggling too.
And so I wanted to share with you a really great tool that, that we've got in the TS12 Anon program. And if you don't know what TS12 and on is, it's trauma sensitive. 12 steps on anonymous. And can I tell you that really, really beautiful things are happening. If you haven't joined a meeting yet, I hope that you will or reach out to us and let us know what kind of a meeting you might like that's trauma based or for what sort of survivor. Because we are developing that. We are looking into different ways to bring in community.
Our betrayal trauma community in particular is flying and I'm not kidding.
And we've got some groups and are needing to add a new one already. So we're excited about that.
But in step three of TS12 and on it describes the rest process.
And so today I have had some just real overwhelm lately.
I would say that I'm not doing fantastic.
I am struggling. And so I wanted to bring that here live. I'm still showing up in ways that I can. I'm still showing up in various things. And I really look forward, by the way, to the fact that we're hiring some help. So that will take. Take a big burden off. But meanwhile, how do I get through this and how do I just breathe normally? Because I am really struggling with that. And really what I want to do is just model what the rest process is and what it looks like.
Because at that point other people who are struggling can take what I share, hopefully and run with it. I'm going to model it today, but also if you'd like to read it, you can purchase the book TS12 and on and it is found on Amazon. I'll put a link in the show notes.
So I'm going to describe the rest process not only for you, but for me, because I need it today.
And the rest process is basically a form of a surrender process.
And the word surrender, unfortunately can be triggering for survivors like me and like probably you, if you're listening as well. So I'm holding space for that.
And as we are struggling sometimes with the lingo and with what it looks like, wanted to just be more cautious about that and also to add some empowerment to it.
So I'll explain what REST stands for.
So R is for we release to God what we cannot control.
E is expressed to someone, to another person, what part we're giving to God, but also what part we're taking action on.
S is for we symbolize it and T is for take action. And in a traditional surrender process, there is not a take action piece. And so we really love this part of it because it's wonderful to give to God what we can't control.
But it's incredibly empowering to not just be like, I give it all to you, God, when there are things that we can do.
So I'm going to be vulnerable and I'm going to do Arrest process publicly here and I will do the E, the express part to each of you as my witness today.
Recently, when I did Arrest Process, I had sent a voice memo to my support guide and she responded with some really, really beautiful feedback things that I hadn't thought about. And really when I came away from that, I realized I had more work to do that would, would bring ultimately greater peace.
So sometimes I think that's okay because this is not like, I'm going to give this to God, I'm going to take action, it's all going to be over. Because often the problems are still there. We might have to practice rest a lot, and that's okay. But sometimes it's sort of like in the book, it talks about how it's like a muscle memory and why that's cool is because when it's like this memory kind of thing, when we practice it enough, our bodies more easily fall into like, okay, I'm going to have relief. At least for me, I'm going to have relief. This is going to feel better soon. So let me just start with are.
And so I'm going to release to God what is weighing me down.
This might look different for you because your. Your trials are gonna be different than mine, but maybe you can relate with some of it. So I'm actually going to pray here now.
If you pray in different ways, that's okay. I'm not telling anybody how they should pray. This is my own process. Today, Holy Father, I gratefully commune with thee. Thankful for the privilege of being thy daughter.
Thankful for the opportunity of having my children.
Thankful for the opportunity of having a voice and being able to walk with others.
Grateful to have been born of goodly parents.
Father, at this time I'm struggling feel like have some heavy weights on my shoulders and I'm gonna offer to thee the things that I can't control while being open to things that I can accomplish and can do.
First, Father, I'm very stressed about finances.
I followed a path thou hast given me and I'm tired and I'm weary and the financial aspect has not been resolved yet. And I'm trusting thee to help me to figure this out, but I don't know how. And I need thy help.
And so I'm giving to thee, though the part that I can't control and asking for inspiration as to what I can control.
Also, Father, I've been illust. No, I've had kidney stones and severe exhaustion and I can't control this. I might be able to going forward if I can figure out what's going on, but I can't control the pain and the exhaustion that have come due to a lack of sleep and things like that from the pain.
And so I give to thee that I'm going to be slower right now and I'm not going to be able to show up normally. And as I would like to.
Also, Father, as I work in the victim services sphere, I love and appreciate this opportunity to walk with survivors.
And I hear the worst of humanity so often and it's hard.
And a lot of times I think I can just do this and push forward and I can but it also requires that I take care of myself a little better and probably a little more than I've had capacity to take care of myself lately.
So I want to give to the the burdens that accompany hearing these survivors, these amazing, beautiful survivors stories.
And for my part, Father, I want to take really good care of myself.
Maybe practice more intentional or better soul care. I can tell today and probably be helpful for me to paint something and so it doesn't have to be beautiful, but I'm going to paint something also. Father, this is probably the thing that's weighing heaviest on me is I'm very worried about my children.
I'm worried about their safety.
Our situation is severe.
The situation is ongoing and it's non relenting lately. I'm specifically having a hard time with my little Chloe telling me what she wanted on her tombstone.
I'm worried about her and I'm worried about all three of my little children.
I recognize that the circumstance that they're in when they're not with me is severe and can be okay and it can be dangerous.
I've done all I know how to fight this in court and now I just rely on thee.
Rely on thee to take care of these children and to send an army of angels when I cannot be there and to help them know their worth and to think of ways to stay safe.
This burden weighs me down daily.
While I'm not sure how to completely give it over, I want to practice giving what I can today that I can rest in Thee.
And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I've never really recorded a prayer before, so that was new for me.
The next thing that I'm going to do is I'm going to express it. And I feel like because I prayed what I did publicly that I did express that.
But basically I'll just quickly go over the things that I'm doing my best to give to God and to take action on both is that I'm stressed about finances, been ill with kidney stones and other things that victim services can feel heavy and the fact that I can't just save everybody is so hard.
And also that I'm worried about my children. And I have done and I'm continuing to do all I know how and sometimes fall short of that.
And some things are just completely out of my hands.
So those are the things that I'm surrendering.
So I've done r release to God E express.
So I've just shared that I've expressed it with you all I'M wiping tears.
The S is symbolize.
And just to say that there are different ways for people to symbolize giving something to God.
And really it's just kind of what feels good to each individual.
So some people like to write it down and put it in a surrender box. Some people want to write it down and burn it or throw it away or flush it into the toilet or something.
That's something they like to do. Something that I loved hearing recently was somebody had created a surrender box where they could write. Write what they were giving to God and put it in, but they could not pull it back out because the opening was too small.
And so I thought that was kind of cool and how symbolic that was for me. I like to imagine that my burdens are in my hands and that my hands are out.
And I had a friend who taught me because I would lift up my hands to heaven kind of thing.
And her perspective was that God was closer than that. And I really love that. So I've been holding my hands out in front of me with the God of my understanding looking me in the eye.
And so right now my hands are cupped. I'm imagining my burdens that I already shared with you in my hands.
And I'm asking him to take what I can't fix, the parts of it that I can't fix, the heaviness.
And I'm imagining him taking those burdens and looking at them with compassion and holding me in compassion as well.
All right. And then the T part is take action.
So I'll just go through some of the things that are weighing me down and I'm going to figure out some ways that I can take action where possible.
So one is that I'm stressed about finances. Well, one of the things that we're doing is we're hiring a chief development officer. And so that should help me figure out finances a bit better while also taking some of the load off of my shoulders so that I could do things so that I can show up better in the ways that I really need to.
With kidney stones, I think what I can do with that is make sure that I'm drinking a lot of water, that I'm resting when I can, and that I'm staying up on pain medication when they're causing severe pain.
Regarding victim services and how heavy that can feel, I can tell that I really need some better self care, better soul care to where I'm looking at it and saying, okay, I can tell I'm struggling. I can tell I'm hurting. I have I have a lot of compassion, self compassion as to why that is what sounds good to my soul. And I. I can tell, just like I shared earlier, that something creative sounds really good. So I think I am going to pull out my watercolors and I am going to paint something that just sounds good to my soul. Likely flowers. They're kind of my go to when I'm struggling. I just think they're so beautiful.
Oh. And then my, my very biggest worry, which is, which is my children.
The things that I can take action on that are when they're here, I can make sure they're know. They know that they are incredibly valuable, that they're priceless, that they mean a lot to me.
And something that I do do pretty much every week is I take them out on special time. And this can look different ways. It could.
And sometimes we don't even go out. It's like we're going to sit and watch their favorite cartoon in my room or something, or take them to a parking lot, an empty parking lot somewhere and let them practice driving. Or I'm going to give them a little tiny budget of a dollar or two and they can buy something fun from Dollar Tree or something like that. And we just chat.
So I want to continue that because I think that's been really good for us.
And it does feel empowering to do something to where they get to feel important.
I also want to go over with them some more a safety plan.
I do this sometimes with them and just phrase it that when you're. You're anywhere that you don't feel unsafe, even my house, other houses, whatever. What, what would you do in these hard situations? And the things that they come up with are impressive. So I feel like that is something I can do to empower them as well.
Which in turn gives me a little bit of hope for what they could do in if they are faced with a severe or hard circumstance.
I think the other thing that I can do is for my children, which I appreciate processing this year, is that I can pray that if people see something off that they can advocate for my children, they can step in for my children, they can help them so that my children have adult eyes on their situation.
So basically earthly angels. And also it gives me some sort of peace to pray for heavenly angels in their behalf.
So that is basically the rest process. And what I can say is after sharing that, after going through the process, it's not all fixed, but I do feel quite a bit better actually.
And I can feel my nervous system is calming down.
I'm eyeing my paints over here that I plan to pull out which is counterintuitive, right Too. It's like I have a lot of things to do but I really am gonna take a good at least 30 minutes and paint something because that sounds good to my soul. So for you R E S T what does that look like for you? Does that sound like something you would like to try? And if so we'd love to hear how that goes and in fact we'd love to hear from you. Please feel free to message us on Instagram or on Facebook and share with us how the rest process has benefited you.
Thank you for joining us on relational training. Trauma SOS A Her Wings Unfold Production we hope that you'll practice the rest process with us. Her Wings Unfold is a non profit organization and we love to help people heal from another's abuse, addiction, adultery and or abandonment trauma. Survivors belong here.
